I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
