Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
