There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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