why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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