I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
