he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
