Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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