Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
