Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
