I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
