I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The uberlube is also flammable
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
