Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
