Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
