On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
her vagine was all disorganized.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
