I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
