U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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