I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
