PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
