He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
