apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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