hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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