You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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