I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
