i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
