last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
