I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
