I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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