and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
