I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Randomize
