she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
