You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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