i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
