Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
