I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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