the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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