Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
