So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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