duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
