im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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