We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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