I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
