I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you guys were way drunker than both of me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
