I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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