I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want to make out with him forever
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
