In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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