yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
