im drinking this country out of the recession.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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