I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
