babies were throwing up all over the place
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
