Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I did not marry a roomba.
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