Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is my gift to your gina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
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