There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
